


it ain't no matter of 'if' honey, it's just a matter of 'when'

by irleggsy



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Sakusa Is A Sappy Drunk, Tenderness, They're In Love Your Honor, legal drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:22:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25694233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irleggsy/pseuds/irleggsy
Summary: With a beer in one hand and an accusatory pointer finger on the other, Sakusa slurred, shouted even, “Atsumu. If you wear those godforsaken cutoff camo jorts one morefuckingtime I’m breaking up with you.”Atsumu made a noise in his throat caught somewhere between a wheeze and a squawk that came out more of an avant-garde honk noise than anything else. He stared up at Sakusa with wide eyes, a bewildered smile just barely glued onto his face.Or: The MSBY Black Jackals go to a bar. Sakusa likes to run his mouth when he's drunk.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 62
Kudos: 1174





	it ain't no matter of 'if' honey, it's just a matter of 'when'

**Author's Note:**

> i caught the sakuatsu brainrot & the doctor said it's terminal. r.i.p. (｡-人-｡)
> 
> this is my first time writing atsumu's unholy kansai accent so apologies for any egregious errors.
> 
> i felt the need to write something undeniably & helplessly soft after reading an excess of angst fics, so this was the result.
> 
> onwards & upwards, everyone! please enjoy!

With a beer in one hand and an accusatory pointer finger on the other, Sakusa slurred,  _ shouted  _ even, “Atsumu. If you wear those godforsaken cutoff camo jorts  _ one more  _ **_fucking_ ** _ time  _ I’m breaking up with you.”

Atsumu made a noise in his throat caught somewhere between a wheeze and a squawk that came out more of an avant-garde  _ honk  _ noise than anything else. He stared up at Sakusa with wide eyes, a bewildered smile just barely glued onto his face.

With strands of his hair plastered to his sweaty forehead and the remnants of a cherry vodka soda clinging to his shirt, he was hardly  _ desirable, _ but Sakusa still found himself reluctantly charmed.

Still pointing at him, Sakusa narrowed his eyes and downed the rest of his beer in one go. “Gonna… kiss that moronic little smirk off your face, you… dumb gay bastard,” he growled.

“Omi-omi,” Atsumu coughed, furiously blushing. “You know we’re in public… right?” His voice pitched another octave higher. “And that you’re speakin’ out loud. _ Right?” _

Sakusa’s scowl deepened, if possible. “Your point?” He went to take another sip of his beer just to remember that he finished it. He stared at the bottom of his glass sadly. 

“Oh my god.” Bokuto, god bless his big, beefy soul, had recorded the  _ entire exchange  _ on what was presumably Snapchat, and was currently bouncing up and down in euphoria.

“Oh my god!” Hinata slammed his hands on the table and squealed, nearly vibrating with excitement.

“Oh my god,” Adriah whispered. He snapped his fingers and held out a hand, smugly singing, “I called it~!” Inunaki grumbled and bitterly smacked a 5000 yen note in Adriah’s expectant fingers. He  _ humphed _ and looked away with an irritated pout, but it didn’t quite work when he was still nestled in Adriah’s lap.

_ Scowl _ was no longer the right description for whatever Sakusa’s face was doing.  _ Seconds from murder _ seemed more accurate now. “You guys placed  _ bets?”  _ he asked in a low voice.

“Did you think you were being subtle?” Hinata chirped. Sakusa resisted the urge to slam his forehead on the table.

“I mean. Yeah, we placed bets,” Adriah chuckled. “No offense, but the sexual tension between you two in the locker rooms?  _ Insane. _ Didn’t you notice how you were always the last two there?” He pulled Inunaki closer, who whined but didn’t resist. “Well, that’s just because we were all paranoid you were just going to go to town right then and there.”

Atsumu buried his face in his palms. “Nooooooooo,” he moaned. The thing was, they  _ had _ fucked in the locker room after practice before, something _ neither _ of them were proud of. “I’m not sober enough for this.” He quickly grabbed a glass of water and started swallowing it down.

Bokuto, unfortunately, picked that exact time to give Atsumu a congratulatory back slap. Considering the obscene circumference of his biceps, it was no surprise that this nearly caused the little water Atsumu was drinking to shoot out of his nose. Bokuto didn’t seem to notice, however, because he continued patting him on the back forcefully, nearly choking Atsumu to death before his arms were physically wrenched away by his setter.

Sakusa, who was maybe a little  _ too _ entertained by the prospect of his boyfriend choking, reluctantly tore his eyes away and sighed. “I’m  _ too  _ sober for this,” he muttered, still ogling his empty beer.

“Gotta say though,” Inunaki softly began. “Cutoff camo jorts?” He raised a perfectly coiffed brow at Atsumu. “That seems like an act of spite against God.”

“Why’re y’all firin’ at me?” Atsumu cried, still trying not to hack up a lung. “Sakusa’s the one who’s shitfaced drunk!”

“Nah, this is just the tip of the iceberg!” Bokuto smiled impishly like the little devil that he was.

“It’s true,” Inunaki said, because he’s covertly an  _ asshole _ and gets away with it by virtue of being small. “He’s only two beers in.”

Bokuto gasped. Sure enough, right in front of him, there were only two empty bottles of Asahi Super Dry. “Kiyoomi, you never told me you were a lightweight!” His enormous chest boomed with laughter. Hinata also broke out into giggles from where he was leaning on Bokuto’s shoulder, snuggling closer and grinning at Sakusa. Bokuto motioned to one of the izakaya’s staff. “Oi, waiter! Can I get another beer?” He winked at Sakusa surreptitiously.

“Hey, hey, hey now. Yer sure that’s such a good idea, Bokuto-san?” Atsumu asked, more than a little nervous.

Hinata wordlessly whined. “Wanna go hoooome,” he slurred.

“I might be more alcohol than blood if we keep this goin’ for much longer,” Atsumu admitted.  _ ‘Besides, if we keep goin’ the whiskey dick’ll kick in and we wanted to go at it tonight,’  _ he added silently. Best keep that thought to himself. 

“We should do  _ shots,” _ Sakusa announced, absolutely  _ destroying  _ all of Atsumu’s sexy dreams.

Everyone whipped around to stare at him.

Sakusa was full-on  _ grinning, _ bright and bubbly, a sight that none of them had  _ ever  _ seen before.

“As much as I support this endeavor of yours,” Adriah drawled. “We should  _ not _ do that.”

Sakusa raised an eyebrow. “Scared?” he asked loftily, wearing that dangerous smile of his like a crown. “I didn’t expect it of you, Tomas.” He surveyed the table cooly, leaning his weight back onto his overly flexible wrists, scraping his fingernails back and forth against the reedy texture of the tatami mats. “I didn’t expect it from any of you, to be honest. Seems like I’m the only one up to the challenge.”

Adriah’s eye twitched, and he wasn’t alone. This was a table filled with professional athletes. Sakusa knew exactly what he was doing, lighting up their competitive spirit. 

“You’re going to regret that,” Bokuto said lowly, and his grin was near  _ maniacal.  _ “You’re a lightweight.”

Sakusa waved a hand in front of his face, going from a sweet little smile to a face devoid of all expression. “Am I?” he asked, voice devoid of all emotion.

“Whoa! Neat party trick, Sakusa!” Hinata crowed. 

“You  _ are  _ a lightweight,” Atsumu reminded him, hoping his puppy eyes would get the message across. _ (The message being: “I’M HORNY.”) _

Sakusa paused, still poker-faced.

Then he broke out into giggles. “You’re right,” he chuckled. “I am a lightweight. You caught me.”

The mere idea of Sakusa giggling was almost enough for Atsumu to fall over.

It was more than enough for Hinata to fall over.

“Alright, well. Waiter! Over here!” Bokuto hollered. “We’ll have a round of shots for all of the lovely gentlemen at this table.” He ruffled Hinata’s hair affectionately. “It’s going to be a long night for us.”

Everyone cheered with the exception of Atsumu, who muffled his groan into Sakusa’s shoulder.

* * *

“Were the shots really necessary?” Atsumu snarked. The pair were currently stumbling down the street, an arm slung over each other’s shoulders, Sakusa only living a few blocks down from the Izakaya. Usually, they would leave separately for subtlety’s sake, but now that the cat had exited the (allegedly see-through) bag, they had nothing to hide.

_ “Yes, _ the shots were necessary,” Sakusa said definitively. Inebriated, he was uncharacteristically confident, his mask nowhere to be seen and his gait unusually energetic. Then he tripped over a shallow crack in the sidewalk and almost made love to the ground. Atsumu yelped and just barely managed to catch him by the back of the jacket, slowly coaxing him back to his feet. “...Okay. Probably not,” Sakusa conceded.

Atsumu burst into laughter. “Omi-omi, yer damn  _ adorable  _ like this, ”

Sakusa smiled. “No,  _ you’re adorable,” _ he said, flicking Atsumu’s nose.

Atsumu blushed. “We should get you drunk more often, ya damn sap. Yer gettin’ all soft on me,” he muttered. “Though yer definitely goin’ to regret this tomorrow morning when you get one  _ hell _ of a hangover.”

“Forget that!” Sakusa crowed. “I  _ won!” _

“Yes,” Atsumu sighed. “You did win, I gotta give you that.”

Sakusa suddenly quieted down, carefully observing Atsumu’s face.

They continued walking like that for a while, until Atsumu, unable to hold it in, shouted “What? What is it? Is there a pimple? I’ve been washing my face pretty consistently, though—”

“Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?” Sakusa asked. Atsumu abruptly shut his trap, staring at his boyfriend with awe. “Seriously, have I?”

“I—” Atsumu swallowed, hard.  _ Be still, my beating heart. _ “Uh… Well, there was that time you called me ‘tragically pretty’?” His pitch went up like it was a question. 

Sakusa looked  _ sad. _

“You said ya’ don’t compliment me that often because I would be insufferable. Which, eh, fair,” Atsumu blurted out.

Sakusa scowled like his usual self. “But you call me cute all the time,” he pouted.

“You actually like that?” Atsumu blinked in disbelief. 

If Sakusa looked sad before, now he looked heartbroken. “You didn’t mean it?”

“Of course I fuckin’ meant it!” Atsumu nearly shouted.

Sakusa beamed, then leaned forward and kissed Atsumu. Not  _ quite _ on the lips, but it was close enough, and impressively accurate considering the amount of alcohol in his blood.

“Oh,” Atsumu whispered.

“Oh,” Sakusa agreed.

“Oh!” Atsumu realized. “We’re here!”

Sakusa peered up at his apartment building in wonder. “Huh. When did that happen?”

“Hell if I know. Hey, where’re yer keys?” Atsumu asked.

Sakusa immediately proceeded to pat down his body like he was doing the macarena, searching for the keys in question. Not finding it the first time, he patted his body again, frantically this time. “Oh fuck,” Sakusa whispered.

“Oh fuck is right,” Atsumu groaned. “...No, wait, I have ‘em. Heh.” He could only give Sakusa a sheepish shrug as he unlocked the door, shepherding his boyfriend through the lobby, past a disgruntled receptionist, and into the elevator. 

* * *

Bodies now fully scrubbed (courtesy of Atsumu, for once), the pair laid in bed, legs intertwined and pressing gentle kisses against each other’s skin.

Reluctantly pulling away, Atsumu took a moment to run his fingers through Sakusa’s hair, pushing it out of the way of his forehead. “...Are ya’ goin’ to remember any of this in the morning?” he asked hesitantly.

Sakusa leaned into the touch and nearly purred. “Mm… I’ll probably remember everything.”

Atsumu paused. “Everything?”

Sakusa gently headbutted his hand, coaxing him into playing with his hair again. “Everything. I’m not one for memory loss, even while drunk.”

Atsumu laughed nervously. “And yer uh. Yer not going to regret anything?”

“Oh, I’ll most definitely be regretting things,” Sakusa sighed.

“Which things…  _ specifically?”  _ Atsumu almost didn’t want to ask.

Sakusa frowned. “What are you nervous about, Atsumu?”

_ Well, I don’t know. The fact that we accidentally outed ourselves to the team? The fact that you decided to start a drinking contest with Bokuto? The fact that we all got shit-faced in a public bar? The fact that you walked home without a mask? The fact that you called me beautiful?  _ Atsumu cleared his throat. “Nothin’ in particular?”

“You’re so full of shit sometimes,” Sakusa mumbled.

“Well I’m nervous about  _ everythin’,”  _ Atsumu snapped. “Is that what ‘ya wanted to hear?”

Sakusa narrowed his eyes in a way that got Atsumu’s blood pumping. With an iron-tight grip, he grabbed onto Atsumu’s hips. “Whoa—!” Before he even knew what happened, Sakusa had rolled them over, tossing Atsumu around like he weighed nothing, leaving Atsumu straddling Sakusa’s hips and palming at his abs for balance. 

Slowly sitting up, Sakusa slid a palm against Atsumu’s cheek, caressing his jawline. He pressed a gentle kiss against Atsumu’s nose and leaned back, looking into his eyes with a look so  _ fond _ that  _ Atsumu _ felt flustered, shameless as he was. 

Sakusa leaned forward, tucked his head into the crook of Atsumu’s neck, and whispered, “I love you, Atsumu. Everything else is secondary. It’ll all work itself out in the end.” 

Atsumu flushed bright red. “L-love?” he asked. “You  _ love  _ me?”

Sakusa shrugged. “Always have.”

“Omi,” Atsumu felt like all of the wind had been knocked out of him. “That’s the first time ya—” Atsumu shook his head. "Omi. _I_ _love you too.”_ _  
  
_

“‘That was the first time?’” Sakusa frowned into Atsumu’s shoulder. “I say it in my head every day.”

Atsumu’s brain short-circuited. “Uh, what?”

Sakusa sighed. “I need to work on telling you more often.”   
  


“You don’t need ta—”

Sakusa slid his hands under the fabric of Atsumu’s shirt, his eyes dark and his tone stern. “I need to tell you I love you and that you’re beautiful and I need to tell you those things when I’m _ sober,  _ Atsumu.”

Atsumu answered by kissing him, effectively shutting him up. 

“Aw,” Sakusa whispered against his lips. “Is someone shy?”

“Shaddup,” Atsumu growled.

Sakusa stuck out his tongue. “Make me.”

Atsumu smirked. Maybe there was still hope for his sex life after all. "Gladly."

**Author's Note:**

> thank you thank you to lu for beta-reading this! <3
> 
> [tumblr](https://irleggsywrites.tumblr.com/)|[twitter](https://twitter.com/irleggsy)
> 
> please leave a comment on your way out, it's the only way my stupid lizard brain stays motivated to write <3 ciao!


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